A Different sort of Goodbye

I went to say possibly my final good-bye to my great grandma after work today. She has really gone down-hill and may not be around when I come home at the end of June. I haven't been to see her in close to a year unfortunately. I haven't been able to bring myself to the continuing care unit of the hospital, wishing that I could have the great-grandma back that was in good health. That is not possible though and when my grandma Shirley said that great grandma was doing even worse then when I had seen her last, I knew that I was due in for a visit. After work I went down to the hospital, walked through the sliding doors, down the hall to my grandmas room. I didn't know what to expect since the last time I had seen her and walked through her door. She looked the same as when I had seen her last except this time she couldn't even be moved from her bed to a wheelchair. She just lay there, staring into space, even though the TV was on. I greeted her with a hello but she didn't turn to look at me. As I started to talk to her and explain who I was, her eyes got teary and she brought her bed sheet to her eye to wipe a tear. I don't know how much she understands anymore but I just talked to her like she grasped every word I said. I told her that I was going away and about the things I remember about her when she was well. Besides looking at me a couple times and saying "yes", she continued to stare off into space. She has in her life, taken care of many people. Her own children, her step-children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, as well as those people she adopted in her heart. I admire her so much and wish that she was here in mind and body, rather then in the state she is in . As I was talking to her though, she appeared agitated as though she wanted to tell me something but just couldn't form words that she hadn't used in far too long. Watching her face as I spoke let me know that she was listening and although she couldn't form anything beyond "yes", she understood.  My last sentence to her was this, "Good-bye Grandma, if you're here when I come home, I'll come and see you. If not, say hi to Jesus for me" and with that I kissed her weathered cheek and walked out the door. Good-bye Great-Grandma, until we meet again." Whether it be on this side of heaven..... I don't know.

The Countdown

19 days and counting, I still need to book a hotel for my first day  and get some last minute things but other then that..... I'm ready. Ready for change, ready for adventure, ready for whatever comes my way! House-sitting this week has given me quite a bit of time away to think and kind of be on my own and I think I'm gonna be okay. There will definitely be some adjustment but I can still phone home and skype. Technology is getting so advanced that even if you're a country away it can still seeem as if you have family and friends nearby. 

Emotional Good-byes

My first goodbye. I wish I could say that I bravely shook my grandpas hand and that as I went to give my grandma a hug, tears weren't threatening to let loose.... Unfortunately that was not the case. As I shook my grandpas hand and heard the words, "See you in June" I felt them building up, the unwanted accumulation in my tear ducts that make me feel completely out of control and at a loss for words. June, June.... not even the beginning of June. But June.24th, almost half a year until that date. The conversation in the car that lead up to the hug made the tears inevitable.
" We'll miss you alot Brianna, it won't be the same without you" my grandma says
"Yes, but it will be even tougher for Brianna...." replies Grandpa

It will be difficult for me in quite a different way than for my family. They have everyone else there and although they'll think of me, there are many other people to occupy their thoughts.  I will probably find plenty of time in the first month or so to fill my thoughts with all the family and friends that I am missing.

My grandparents are off to Hawaii  for 2 months, time that I wouldn't have seen them even if I had been home. However it seems different... when they get home, I won't be there. Its going to take me time to adjust to a different country and I feel better if I don't dwell on all the uncertainties. I will have to rely on God in a completely different way then here. He is all the certainty I will have and it will be a good, different, probably a bit overwhelming of an experience.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Miss you

Members of my family seem to continually ask this question, "Will you miss us?", YES of course I'm going to miss everyone back home. I just know that when I do different things and meet different people I will think about a specific person that I would have liked to share the experience with. Therefore I will write about them for the people I miss back home who I want to talk to after my exciting adventures!! Those people know who they are and if you read something and think of something that you would want me to hear.... COMMENT!!! :)

Off to Australia

So there is less than a month left before I leave to go to Australia.... my thoughts.... for once I have no idea what to expect, I can't even picture anything, which is quite something for me. This is the first time I'm going to be starting school with no friends, no family closeby, in another country. Pretty different than what I'm used to. And as I write this I feel fear creeping up, but that won't stop me because God is with me, calling me out of my comfort zone. He promises to never leave or forsake me and I know that there are no exceptions to this :)

Journeying_with God